All I want for Christmas is...

My Dad.

He would read us The Polar Express on Christmas Eve.

No matter how tough things were he always made sure that it was special for us. He always held it together during tough financial times and was the best Santa. 

I wish I could be that great of a parent.

I can only hope my kids feel the same way about me as I do about my father.

Maybe someday I will be able to have a perfect holiday season. A perfect holiday season when I can feel the magic during this time of year like I once did as a child.

Not as I do now crippled with depression, sadness and anxiety.

All I want for Christmas is you (dad)

In for the kill

We can fight our desires
But when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
And what are feelings without emotions?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I hang my hopes out on the line
Will they be ready for you in time
If you leave them out too long
They'll be withered by the sun
Full stops and exclamation marks
My words stumble before I start
How far can you send emotions?
Can this bridge cross the ocean?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand


Let's go to war
To make peace
Let's be cold
To create heat
I hope in darkness
We can see
And you're not blinded by the light from me

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

Can't win...ever!

Fuck Christmas. Fuck Black Friday

This time of year can fuck off. I hate it even more this year. I don't have parents. I just have to play Santa for the little ones. I can't ruin their hopes and dreams like mine have been.

My family is gone... I am left with demons

Better late then never... Band Aid on a Bulletwound's 3 year Anniversary !!!

3 years ago I started this blog in hopes that it would be so I could get my artwork out there. It has mostly become a mental dump of what is rolling around in my brain: song lyrics that I feel are pertaining to my life, music videos,  shameless "selfies"/ photo documentation of random life events, cool imagery found on the Internet and barely my artwork.

I had high hopes... But I am not disappointed in the evolution.

The last 3 years of my life have been the most depressing 3 years I have had since I was a teenager.

Please don't go, I can't handle anymore abandonment. My life can't get much worse so here's to hoping that things will start getting better...

PS, I love you forever Dad. I miss you so much and it's only been 13 days...

50 years since the JFK Assasination

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V-LA0ypFXig

I am nothing, I have no one

3:25 am 11/9/13

I will always love you dad.

I had the honor to carry your body it is final earthly home.

You touched hundreds and hundreds  of people's hearts... I saw only a fraction, and that was overwhelming... You were an amazing man. Thank you for being the best father. 

I love that you are proud of me.

Hospice Diary continued...

Today we told you that you don't have to hold on anymore. You did amazing things with this life and now you have to let your  tenacious lion heart go to heaven. 

We will take care of each other dad. We promised you that. 

You are the most amazing selfless human I will ever know. 

Hospice Diary

As you sleep, I see your peaceful face.

When you awake, I see your grateful smile.

The thoughts of the things I will miss about you bring tears.

But the beauty of the life you lived and the hearts you've touched will be rewarded with eternal happiness and joy.

I love you dad. Not too much longer until you are free.

Precious

Precious and fragile things

Need special handling

My God what have we done to You?

We always try to share

The tenderest of care

Now look what we have put You through...

Things get damaged

Things get broken

I thought we'd manage

But words left unspoken

Left us so brittle

There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings

Shouldn't know suffering

I wish I could take the pain for You

If God has a master plan

That only He understands

I hope it's Your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged

Things get broken

I thought we'd manage

But words left unspoken

Left us so brittle

There was so little left to give

I pray You learn to trust

Have faith in both of us

And keep room in Your heart for two

Things get damaged

Things get broken

I thought we'd manage

But words left unspoken

Left us so brittle 

There was so little left to give

We were given another day with you...

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.